After countless days of begging, the husband and I agreed to play a family game with our kids. Their favorite of the moment is “Say Anything”. You read a question like “If I could have a “BIG” anything, what would it be?” Everyone writes an answer like “glass of wine”. Sounds innocent enough, right? When playing with 11, 7, and 6- year-olds, it is par for the course to get fart and poop jokes with every answer. It is also normal for said children to argue and throw tantrums over whose answer is the best. There were tears, screams, and bitch slaps happening left and right. The fact that I was still hung over from drinking too much wine until 2 am with friends the night before didn’t help my annoyance. Just when I was about to throw the cards in the air and send everyone to bed, the mother of all questions was read. “What would you do if you could be the opposite sex for a day?” We had some rather good answers.
Mom: Pee standing up.
Dad: Bitch at myself.
Camille: Grow a mustache.
All of these choice answers paled in comparison to what was written on my 7-year-old son’s card.
Will: Touch my “croch”.
After I pushed the eyeballs that had popped out back into their sockets, I laughed until tears were streaming down my face and I was on the verge of peeing my yoga pants. We reminded him that that kind of talk is frowned upon. After all, this is the same kid who was recently sent to the principal’s office for saying he had sexy nuts. He assured us he wouldn’t say anything like that again and he seemed so sweet and convincing. He said next time he would answer “touch my boobs”. Well played, Son, well played.